When there has been a major upheaval in your life like the death of a parent, loss of a job, witnessing a trauma like a car crash, being raped or a serious health crisis, sometimes it can feel hard to carry on.
It is during these times, that may need strategies to help you to come to grip with what has happened and to slowly move forward with your life.
Seven steps to restart your life
Here are seven steps that you might find helpful:
- Acknowledge the chaos. Science talks about “chaos theory” and how what seems like complete randomness is actually part of a larger complex system. But before we can see the bigger picture and the effect of “this” on “that”, we need to recognise and accept that your our really is off balance and in a state of chaos because of what has happened. We can’t build unless we first see what we are experiencing.
- Be flexible. Our lives are not linear. And being rigid won’t help us to adapt to our new circumstances and to what has happened. Learn to go with the flow a bit more.
- Return to what grounds you. When you are going through a major emotional upheaval, it can help to return to practices that help you to feel more grounded. For some, these can be going into nature, long walks, breathing practices, meditation or having a hot bath.
- Surrender. Sometimes it can help to realise that you don’t have control over everything. Change is an inevitable part of life and some changes are beyond your control. Just like you don’t control the weather, accepting that you don’t control everything can help.
- Reach out to others. Your relationships can help you to weather emotional distress. They can help to anchor you and help you to rebalance.
- Reach an even keel. You may not yet be “happy”, but aim instead to achieve a state of mental and emotional equilibrium.
- Use the trauma to help you grow. Psychologists now talk about “traumatic growth”, because it is possible (sometimes with help from therapy), to find ways to not just survive this major upheaval, but even to eventually grow and progress as a person as a result of it.
How “restarting yourself” can impact your relationship
If you are in a relationship when a major change leaves you in a state of chaos, it can sometimes be hard for your partner as well.
Discuss what has happened openly with your partner. Ask for their support. You may even like to use the steps above to explain where you are at in terms of your recovery from this upheaval.
If you are the partner, have some empathy. Lower your expectations. Your partner may not be emotionally available to help satisfy your needs while they are going through this. Be patient. Take on some day to day tasks like paying bills that your partner may just not have the mental bandwidth to handle at the moment.
Once your partner has recovered, maybe get some couples counselling so that you can both learn how to help each other to grow and progress.