Couples & Relationship Psychology
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Couples Therapy Central Coast NSW | Dr Scott Terry
When the same problem keeps returning, better communication advice is not always enough.
Couples usually do not arrive because they have never tried to fix the relationship.
They arrive because the things they have tried have not changed the pattern.
Arguments recur.
One person pursues while the other withdraws.
Trust has been damaged.
Affection or sexual connection has changed.
The same disagreement takes different forms but never really disappears.
Or the couple has reached the point where they are no longer certain whether the relationship should continue.
I work with couples to understand what is actually maintaining the problem and what would need to change for the relationship to become different.
More than one model of couples therapy
There are several valuable approaches to relationship treatment.
Gottman-informed work can be useful.
So can attachment approaches, systemic and family therapy, behavioural and cognitive approaches, emotion-focused principles, developmental psychology, trauma-informed work and individual Clinical Psychology.
I do not assume that every couple needs the same model.
My couples work is integrative because relationships themselves are multidimensional.
A communication problem may also involve trauma.
Repeated unreliability may involve ADHD.
Sexual disconnection may be inseparable from resentment.
A conflict about children may actually be a conflict about power, loyalty or family history.
A relationship crisis may coexist with depression, anxiety, addiction, neurodivergence or major life transition.
The model follows the problem.
The problem does not have to fit the model.
My background in couples and family work
My professional background includes graduate training in Marriage and Family Therapy, advanced family-systems and structural family therapy work, extensive clinical practice with couples and families, clinical supervision and university teaching in advanced couples and family therapy.
That relationship background now sits alongside Clinical Psychology.
The advantage of bringing those perspectives together is not that every relationship becomes more complicated.
It is that I can look beyond a communication technique when the relationship requires a broader formulation.
Couples come for many different reasons
Couples may seek help because of:
- repeated conflict,
- emotional distance,
- betrayal or affairs,
- loss of trust,
- sexual or intimacy difficulties,
- ADHD or neurodivergence,
- parenting,
- blended-family issues,
- work and financial stress,
- resentment,
- major life transitions,
- retirement,
- illness,
- different expectations about the relationship,
- or uncertainty about whether to stay together.
Sometimes both partners want to repair the relationship.
Sometimes one is uncertain.
Sometimes the immediate task is not reconciliation but understanding what decision should be made.
ADHD and neurodivergence in relationships
A neurodevelopmental difference can become embedded in the relationship.
One partner may become the organiser, reminder and manager.
The other may feel permanently criticised or controlled.
Forgotten agreements become interpreted as lack of caring.
Repeated reminders become interpreted as nagging.
Both partners may be accurately describing their experience while misunderstanding the mechanism that keeps producing it.
Recognising ADHD does not solve the relationship.
It gives us better information with which to work on it.
Individual psychology matters inside couples work
Couples therapy cannot always be separated neatly from individual psychological functioning.
Trauma, depression, anxiety, ADHD, personality patterns, attachment history, grief and addiction may affect the relationship.
That does not mean one partner is necessarily “the identified patient.”
It means the relationship contains two psychological histories as well as a relational system created between them.
Betrayal and trust
When there has been an affair or another major betrayal, simply teaching communication skills is often premature.
The relationship may need to address:
- what happened,
- what it meant,
- whether the behaviour has stopped,
- what is required for safety,
- how disclosure will be handled,
- whether trust can realistically be rebuilt,
- and whether both partners actually want to attempt repair.
The work is different from ordinary relationship maintenance.
When you are unsure whether to stay together
Not every couple enters therapy committed to preserving the relationship.
Sometimes the question is:
Should we stay together?
Therapy can provide a structured setting in which both people examine what has happened, whether meaningful change is possible and what each person actually wants.
The psychologist’s role is not to make the decision for you.
Couples intensives
Some relationships benefit from longer uninterrupted periods of work rather than a series of 50- or 60-minute appointments.
I offer extended couples sessions and intensives where clinically appropriate.
Longer sessions allow more time to formulate the pattern, work through difficult material and practise changes without ending just as the central issue becomes accessible.
An intensive is not automatically better.
It is another format that may be useful for particular couples.
How long does couples therapy take?
There is no honest universal answer.
Some couples need focused work around one issue.
Others bring a pattern that has been reinforced for years.
The number and frequency of appointments should follow the complexity of the problem and the progress being made.
A relationship problem that developed over a decade should not automatically be expected to disappear after two appointments.
Nor should treatment continue without evidence that something useful is happening.
Fees
Standard couples session: $300 / 60 minutes
Longer and intensive sessions are priced according to duration.
Couples work is generally privately billed.